The trots run in his family

uncle colin & uncle jack, originally uploaded by Kelteek.

This morning, Daddy Shortlegs informed us that he has the trots. Well, I’m not sure if he said trots as I am not sure he can trot. He certainly couldn’t canter in an emergency dash to the bogatory. To be honest with his gammy ankle and my wonky knee, manoeuvring around each other in the kitchen has taken on the look of a grotesque dressage display by panto horses in It’s a Knockout!

We are not entirely sure why he dropped the bombshell at breakfast other than to put you off your bran flakes. Does he need help or an audience? Keep your poo to yourself... do I look like Gillian McKeith? Richard doses him with something to “bung him up” as he ‘oh so nicely’ put it!

We get a telephone call later from an old friend of Richard’s mum. She received a Christmas card from Jack that said he was sending it from “Jack, Richard and Amanda”. Amanda is the partner of Richard’s brother – the poor woman was unaware if there had been a sudden decrease in the family or if we went in for wife swapping. I’m not sure any of us would be happy with that thought.

Mind you, some of Jack’s old family photos would lead to believe he had the odd Ozark relative. It looks like the family were snowed in for a winter and spent the time in-breeding for Cumbria. Cue banjo picking...

I think these two were in Frankenstein meets the Wolfman!!