Epidemic Warning or Fashion Forecast

Alys' Christening (16), originally uploaded by Kelteek.

There is news today that Obesity might be as big a threat to the world as Global Warming – well, yes, I admit there are those of us who look like a melting iceberg sauntering along the High Street but we are beaten into second place by Janet’s cousin (pictured above) who teaches schoolkids about nutrition. Blooming cheek as she is the size of a small portakabin. Her first question to the kids should be “Who ate all the pies!” They'd get 100 per cent straightaway.

BBC News say "Details have emerged of a government study which says that half the population could be obese within 25 years". So there was me thinking I was a porker and really being obese in 2007 makes me a trend-setter!!

A Milford Christening

Alys' Christening (2), originally uploaded by Kelteek.

I spent the day at a Christening in Milford Haven. It is a long time since I was at a Methodist Church and there were no tambourines in evidence but we did get a guitar-playing vicar in a built-up shoe so it wasn’t a total loss. There were hymns with complicated rhythms and plenty of room for me to make asides to Richard.

Vicar: … knowing an all-knowing God…

Me: Aha! Knowing everything about me aha… (good old ABBA/Alan Partridge)

Vicar: …giving all or nothing, but sometimes not knowing whether to go one way or another

Me: He’s having a go at Betty Bothways now (or rephrasing Losing my Mind – do Vicars do Sondheim? He doesn’t look like the Liza Minnelli/Pet Shop Boys type but who knows!)

At this point the beautifully behaved Alys, who even stayed happy during the serious ceremony of wetting her forelock, gave a little whelp. I nudge Aunt Kathleen and say “Did someone stand on her tail?” and that set of a round of noise that turns out to be her and Jean trying not to giggle in their pews. It’s amazing what you can find funny when you shouldn’t be messing about.

Later we meet at the Legion and have a buffet which included that pizza only found in Milford Haven and which looks like someone has ironed it. (I suppose it is a starch?) “I haven’t seen this pizza for 20 years”, I state prodding it to the back of my plate – “In fact this might be the one I saw then!”

Ellen who is in the photo above has turned radioactive – her wrist isn’t healing after a fracas with a (what is it patient/inmate/resident?) and so they injected her with some gloop that means she has to stay away from children for 24 hours. It’s like a mundane Milford version of Spiderman… bitten by a Radioactive Ellen, mild mannered photographer Robjohn turns into Ellenman... cue the Theme tune

Ellen-man, Ellen-man, does whatever an Ellen can

Drinks a drink, smokes a fag

Big and strong, like a man in drag

Watch ooooout! Here comes Ellen Man!!!