Life with Daddy Shortlegs: NEWSFLASH: Night out in Newport

Thru the Arch WAD 07 (110), originally uploaded by Kelteek.

World AIDS Day has come and gone – and fair knackering it was too! I spent a night fundraising with colleagues at Thru the Arch in Newport where people like you or they don’t – they have no talent for two-facedness (which considering the state on the one they have, is no bad thing). Some don’t have the ability to smile at all, as dentistry seemed to be a lost art in Newport, but they don’t have that ability of Cardiffians to smile and then stab you when you pass. Well not verbally – although I do tend to think of stabbings and Newport in the same sentence a lot! A bit in the way Holby and accidents go together.

I once had an awful night out in Newport that marked (I can’t say celebrated) my 28^th birthday. I was staying with a very short-term boyfriend (he lasted about two nights and a pizza) who was doing a voice over for the deaf group’s pantomime. The deaf group did the acting (miming?) and others said the words into a microphone off-stage – not always in sync, and often in some sort of northern accent which didn’t entirely tie in with the Chinese theme. Ever watched Aladdin for 3-and-a-half hours – no? They cut a song at one point as it was over-running – thank God – because if they didn’t the audience may have cut their wrists or died of malnutrition. There were some good points – you could make a hell of a lot of noise opening raspberry ruffles without getting shhhh’d.

To clap (as if you would) one raises one’s hands and shakes them like enthusiasts attending an Elizabeth Duke at Argos convention; lights glinting of sovereign rings and identity bracelets that said Kyle and Jace. You could spot the tattoos of popular icons of the time: the cast of Howard’s Way and ink outlines of Bullseye. One young woman had LOVE and HAT tattooed on her knuckles as she’d lost a finger trying to steal Toffee Poppets from a chocolate vending machine on Newport Station.

Afterwards we went to a gay club... well, pub... well shit hole really but it had some vicious looking gay people in it to be brutally honest. It was called the Log Box – that tells you a lot doesn’t it. One of the deaf group worked in a bakery and had brought a cake for me – it had an antique car on it to show it was for a boy (original) and my name in squirly-whirly icing. I asked if anyone might have a knife assuming someone would ask the publican. But as quick as one could say knife, we had three presented by drinkers - including one from a young man with the squinty demeanour of Jack Palance with toothache. I didn’t feel entirely safe after that.

So to have a fun night out in Thru the Arch was fab and Neil, the host , lived up to his former calling of being a Red Coat – in fact everyone wore red, more or less, to fit in with the theme. John below was the “less”...