Life with Daddy Shortlegs: Band-Aid

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I have taken the day off due to manflu – or possibly just a cold. Everything aches… even typing this hurts my fingers and the back of my hands. For some strange reason, the tops of my feet are achey: any clues out there?

Not to feel left out, Richard arrives home with a Band-Aid on his bonce – coming out of a client’s home, he walked into an up-and-over garage door. He hasn’t got concussion, so luckily there’s no chance of him slipping into a coma before he gets the dinner ready.

It’s not the first time he’s hit his head. He’s had a couple of blows on the boot of the car when he hasn’t opened it fully – once in the same driveway of tonight’s incident; talk about revisiting the scene of the crime. People may imagine I am battering him which is absurd as it would involve me moving about! I can’t think of domestic abuse without hearing Princess Di commenting on “Battered this, battered that…” Ah, her sensitivity was astounding.

Richard’s dad hasn’t had a blow on the head but is displaying sympathy pains by being even more confused than usual. He has been round to Tesco but couldn’t use his bank card – mostly because he had tried to enter the amount he was paying rather than his pin number! They have hold of his shopping but given him a receipt so he can collect it. Richard takes this ransom note and nips back to collect it with the money in unmarked bills.

Meanwhile Jack settles back to watch TV but pops back out as his shopping arrives to complain the FX are showing… and I quote “Fucking Family Guy!” Richard doesn’t mind his dad complaining but Jack makes it sound like we are personally responsible for the TV Schedule. Perhaps we could get a Band-Aid for his gob! We could start a campaign such as “gag the gaga week”. Would Bob Geldof play this version of Bandaid?

If we were responsible FX would only show Family Guy as Rich and I agree there is nothing else on that channel worth watching. We debate starting up a new channel – TLC: The Lovely Channel. It would just show lovely programmes for when you feel the world is horrible or when you are lying ill with Manflu. Programmes like Miss Marple (the Hickson years not the McEwan travesty!), QI, gentler documentaries that don’t mention Hitler, Egypt or the Holy piggin’ Grail (or the link between all three as the Hitler, sorry History channel is keen to prove!)

As there is nothing great on TV now, Richard decides that we should have some popcorn to make us feel better. Jack wants to know if we want milk on it??! Does he think it is cereal? Who knows? Who cares? Well, obviously Diana would have cared. She’d kiss your “ow-ie” better.