Daddy is parcelled off...

high street floods droitwich spa, originally uploaded by Rincewind30.

Daddy has been duly parcelled off to Sonny Longpockets for the 'festivities' although I am not sure how festive a holiday Droitwich can provide! Daddy has packed one small suitcase of clothes and another for his various medications. I have to admit that a week in Droitwich would probably reduce me to drugs! Anyone reader who remembers my Summer experiences of a rain drenched Midlands (see below) would probably sympathise.

We set off on Saturday; Richard fetching the car to the door before whizzing past us and parking a further 50 feet away which is a considerable stretch for both Daddy and me. Daddy Short-Tempered (double barrelled – how posh!) shuffled along with a few curses as his feet tangled around themselves. The door behind the driver’s seat is not working despite four trips to the garage and Richard’s frantic grabbing at the handle and jiggling. Getting irritated, Richard gets onto the back seat and slams at it with his hand until he decides to give it a few kicks… Penfold meets Jackie Chan! It doesn’t budge. So daddy has to wait until the passenger seat is dragged forward, then he gets in and shuffles over before I can put the seat back fully and lumber in myself. There is much cursing and muttering under everyone’s breath at this point – a trio of grumblers emit a low rumble and we haven’t even started the engine.

Richard pulls off, somewhat flustered by the palaver of settling his dad and then stops, deciding to phone ahead to say we are on our way. I tell him to get driving and I will phone – this change of plan also unnerves him apparently … he is such a delicate soul. We get around the corner and he tells me that he is now flustered and cannot decide whether or not he shut the front door – we double back for him to drive past the house and check... and I thought it was only Daddy who had Alzheimer’s!

We spend the journey in idle speculation of what will greet us at Droitwich.

1. Theory One says it will be cold: there will be jumpers and slippers in lieu of central heating!

2. Theory Two is the concept of basic fare: we guess at sandwiches or soup.

3. Theory Three is the house will be a haven of even more clutter – sonny likes to collect (I can forgive the expensive items but he also seems to collect food labels and plastic bags of miscellaneous stuff (for 'stuff' read 'any old shit'). It’s Diogenes syndrome all over again – What with Rich getting Alzheimer’s by proxy and Gavin having senile dementia hoarding.

4. Which leads to Theory Four - Daddy Shortlegs is spreading “old” like a virus. I may have caught it! I have Alzheimer’s Nervosa – a bit like Anorexia Nervosa where you don’t eat at all or Anorexia Bulimia when you eat and purge – I eat and then forget to throw up!