Boiled beef and plastic

We felt like David Attenborough today as we voyeuristically watched Jack stalking the microwave. Having put in a ready-meal, we found him hovering over the microwave, a towel stretched between his open arms like a gladiator’s net as he waited for the ‘ping!’ that would signal the food to leave its traps and sprint out of the appliance. Softly, softly, catchy monkey or in this case beef stew and dumplings. He stood there in his slippers and pants, shirt tucked in to lessen wind resistance, without a hint of shame slavering at the lit window.

We’re not sure why he thought it necessary to watch the microwave so closely as he’d set if for 25 minutes (the package said 8) - anything cooked had long congealed to the plastic container and was going nowhere. Was he confusing it with a ‘ready, steady, go’ meal or has fast food really got into the spirit of the thing like Cuprinol and started to do what it says on the tin.

Anyway Richard could take it no longer and dragged the offending item from its stall without the aid of blinkers, setting down what now turned out to be 'beef crisp with sizzly smoke'. Sending signals to the Sioux Richard waved off the smoke with one hand and his dad with the other. Well we couldn’t let him eat it - you know how plastic goes straight to his hips!