What’s in your Thermos?

It’s an old joke: What’s a thermos for? Keeping hot things hot and cold things cold. So what’s in yours? Two cups of coffee and a choc ice!

Gramps used to have three flasks. They had labels on, made from masking tape onto which he had penned the letters ‘A’, ‘B’ and ‘C’. Into Flask ‘A’ went any water inadvertently boiled by my Nan if she put more than the required amount in the kettle for the constant cups of tea Gramps required to keep his fighting weight at about 6 stone! Each cup was accompanied by half a jam sandwich (and sometimes half a polo mint).

‘A’ was the hot flask. ‘B’ had the warm but not hot water that may require another boil for tea or could be combined with the coolish ‘C’ flask for a quick wash or shave. Each time water was boiled the contents of the flask would be downgraded - the water from 'A' went to 'B' and so on! God forbid we should have had central heating or a combi-boiler. Gramps was the first environmentalist by accident!!

He loved saving money – tinkering with cars to get extra mileage per gallon (he didn’t) or wearing layers and layers to save on heating although he was constantly cold. Last week, we found a picture of him on the beach with his clothes off and were all shocked as this must have been a one-off rarity. God knows how long it took him to clamber out of his donkey jacket and overalls (he always dressed in Old Labour mode).

Richard thought I was joking about the flasks till he visited my grandparents for the first time and saw them lined up next to the sink. We thought they should have had pride of place on his coffin when he died. Tea came with Marvel powdered milk – bleuugh! Richard also tried the delights of my Nan’s lunch. We had chops that by their size and texture had come from a mummified temple cat in ancient Egypt. I asked what the accompanying stuffing was… she said ‘What stuffing?’ ‘The grey heap here’ I indicted with my fork. ‘That’s cauliflower’, she replied. ‘Cauliflower stuffing?’ ‘No, just cauliflower’.

You think Can’t cook, Won’t cook is bad – try Can’t cook, Will cook!