Fit for purpose (they're fit all right!)

carpet fitter bloke, originally uploaded by Kelteek.

As we get ready, the men from Allied Carpets arrive to finish laying our new oak floor in the first floor living room. Despite Daddy Shortlegs being instructed a number of times about where to direct the fitters when they arrived, Richard thankfully nipped home yesterday and stopped them putting it down in the kitchen – they had already taken off the plinths and were mixing the latex screed and only Jack’s in-the-wayness had held them up long enough to prevent any lasting cock up. He was standing in the kitchen, mostly (but not entirely) dressed and seemed totally unperturbed by Richard’s shrieks. He was far more interested in breaking into the fridge.

‘Why… huff puff… why’s it not… arseholes… for god’s sake! Why won’t this open?‘ And it wouldn’t open, no matter how hard and fast he tugged at the horizontal steel bars that will surely never outlast him. Richard again shows him how to open the fridge explaining new fangled ideas like hinges. Then he shows him how to set the microwave (again) and finally reminds him that we have a dishwasher (a once daily task) and he doesn’t need to splash water over the new oak worktops. Daddy grumbles off stage left having ignored the warning not to splash both in the kitchen - and we note in the bathroom - so Richard shoos the fitters upstairs and takes the mop to the bathroom room floor to work out some frustration and clear up after Ol’ Man River.

Today I am spoilt for choice – watch the carpet fitters crawling on all fours with bottoms in the air or stare through the window at council workies swinging through the trees like Chainsaw Massacre meets Groundforce. Then I remember I work for a living and am parcelled off to the office.