Daddy has his card declined!

Turkey, originally uploaded by Matthew Harris.

Christmas came early and we almost received our first card today - not a Christmas card though! I'm not sure if Daddy Dearest hasn’t gone all “Yankee” on us.

He proffered his bank card – brandished would be more accurate, wobbling it about in a wild arc between me and Richard like a decrepit Jedi with an invisible light sabre. A few minutes later he realises from our puzzled look that this charade is not being guessed by either of us, and without Una Stubbs and Lionel Blair to help us guess, he moves on to verbal clues…

'Christmas.'
'Yes?'
'Have you bought things. Food. Take my card.'
'There’s a month before Christmas,' we suggest unreasonably.
It’s tomorrow,… isn’t it?
'No, it’s a month away yet.' (Does he mean Thanksgiving?”)
'Are you sure?'

It is of course our fault that it isn’t the date he would wish. We have done a Cher and purposefully turned back time to thwart him. We have done the worst thing possible in refusing the offer of the card. He is hurt and feels unneeded. Charity begins at home and, when snubbed, muttering and fury also begin at home although it lessens as he wanders back to his room like a deafeated boxer withdrawing to his corner of the ring.

Although later it is ding ding, seconds out, round two, and he proffers it again with a new Charade…

'The lights next door.'
'The lights next door…what about them?' (Are we ever to have a simple complete sentence that explains itself!)
'Well people have moved in.'
'And...'
'Did I hear you say you were going to get a covering for the window?'
'The kitchen window, yes. We are having blinds.'
'Well use this then.'
'We need to get the floors and radiators all done before the fancy bits' (the kitchen still isn’t finished!). It is also eleven-fifteen at night but that escapes his notice.

Turns out he is worried about the new neighbours catching him mid-trot to the bogatory in a state of undress – if only I could have blinds fitted on my eyes or blinkers. Jeez I would be truly thankful for a blindfold and a hearty last meal before I ever see his pork chipolata and turkey-neck balls on show ever again.