The hand that flicks the channel

Another womble up to my room by Runty the Dwarf. He is in the pose we would choose if he were to be stuffed and mounted... TV & Satellite weekly glued to his left hand, the TV remote in his right. 'This book...' the TV guide is brandished (well shaken with as much dramatic flourish as a pre-Parkinson’s case can muster). There is no hope of me seeing what is written as it flits before my eyes a couple of times.

We discover, by being now fluent in grunt, that he wants to watch Highlander (no idea why) and cannot access the FX channel. I begin to explain how to change channels but he is more interested in muttering about how it never bloody works! I use my remote and turn on my TV to the fx channel (a one and only time). It is perfect. Well if watching highlander on FX is perfect.

Richard tells him to stop muttering and listen to me and as I begin to explain about pressing the TV button. With his customary lack of patience, up jumps Richard and rushes off to do it for The old mutterer which of course only distracts him even more. Within seconds Rich is back saying ‘there, I’ve done it’ so Jack can watch TV ... only now he wants to know where the remote is... you remember, the one that moves all by itself. Would somebody call Yvette Fielding.